Coloring outside the lines
by Storywriter55
Summary: Following a traumatic event, Neal and Sara must make an important decision about their future. Story takes place midway through season 4. *Same story two different perspectives.* Part of a series called 'Neal and Sara's Wonderful Adventure' which includes "Alfredo sauce and bowling balls" and 'Stolen art and stolen kisses'. ***DISCLAIMER*** I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING
1. Chapter 1

** Coloring outside the lines**

**(Neal's POV)**

The first thing Neal noticed when he walked into the deserted warehouse was the deathly silence that covered everything like a fresh blanket of snow. He had just spent the better part of an hour trying to convince Peter that the fact that his calls to Sara kept going directly to her voice mail was not indicative of her needing some alone time but rather an ominous sign that her latest recovery had somehow gone terribly wrong. They had just wrapped up their latest case and were sitting around the conference room table when Neal began to feel increasingly uneasy that he couldn't reach Sara.

Luckily, she had mentioned that the location of a missing Degas she hoped to recover today was in the garment district and if Neal was truly honest with himself, he would have to admit that she looked a little uneasy when she had mentioned it over breakfast. But Sara being Sara would not and could not be persuaded to wait until he could accompany her to the secluded area later in the day. Nothing would keep Sara Ellis from her duties as an insurance investigator not with her trusty baton and her ballsy attitude.

Like most couples, Neal and Sara were constantly in touch throughout the day mostly by text or by phone. His latest text message had gone unanswered for over 72 minutes now and it was not at all like Sara not to respond – especially since he'd taken another dig at her for her choice of shoes for the recovery and the fact that he'd reminded her (or was that teased her) that it was her turn to get them sorted out for dinner. Sara hated having to coordinate meals, preferring to let Neal take the lead in this, _his_ area of expertise. Her idea of coordinating dinner was to choose between Thai or sushi – both being on the speed dial of her cell phone.

Peter had tried to convince Neal that her silence was simply her way of annoying him, of letting him know she would get back to him when she was good and ready and not a minute sooner but Neal was nothing if not persuasive and persistent and in the end, Peter figured it was easier to take a stroll around the area than to continue to hear Neal whine about the situation.

The warehouse they had entered, the third they had checked, was dark and musty and home to shelves and boxes and not much else. Fluorescent lighting added to the eerie feel of the storeroom giving it a surreal feeling. The first noise Neal heard, as he took a few tentative steps, was a catlike sound, soft but plaintive, and he wondered if a stray hadn't wandered in looking for food. But as he continued to slowly walk down the third aisle from the end, he also picked up on a rustling sound as well as a gentle cough that was decidedly human.

'Sara?' he called softly as if he didn't want to disturb the eerie silence that surrounded them. He continued down the row of shelves stopping to listen intently with every few steps he took. As he reached the end of the row and rounded the corner, he saw a shape lying lifelessly on the ground, partially covered by a tarp of some sort. He ran towards it, heart lurching, realizing with each step that what he was seeing was the form of his girlfriend splayed in a very strange and unnatural position on the ground.

'Peter, she's over here' he called as he took the last few steps towards Sara. She lay on her side, blood around her head, clothing ripped and shoes strewn a few feet away. He ran to her calling her name all the while fearful of what he was about to find. Peter appeared behind him within a few seconds, phone in hand, calling for help while surveying the immediate area to see if those responsible for Sara's brutal beating were still in the vicinity.

Neal worked quickly to locate the source of the bleeding which appeared to be a gash on her head somewhere among her red locks. He continued to call her name gently urging her to open her eyes while checking on her breathing and refraining from moving her and doing any further damage to her ravaged body. She moaned softly but did not respond or open her eyes. He noticed her arm looked oddly peculiar in this position and he could see that she had been kicked repeatedly in the ribs as her dress was torn showing the beginnings of bruises and marks.

Despite the panic that consumed him, he moved slowly and thoughtfully, repeating her name over and over, willing her to open her eyes and to look into his. She moaned as he lifted her head gently to cradle it on his lap and he felt so utterly powerless as he began to stroke her hair. Seeing Sara so vulnerable was jarring – this was Sara, strong and willful, always in charge of every situation she ever found herself in...

'What is taking so long!' he looked over at Peter who was hovering nearby still unsure that they were truly alone and having morphed into full detective mode, looking around for any clue to the culprits.

'It's only been five minutes, Neal. Is she breathing?'

'Yeah, she's breathing' he responded. 'Who would do such a thing to someone and leave them for dead. I knew I should have said something this morning. I shouldn't have let her come out here by herself. Dammit, she is so fucking stubborn and now look at her – Sara, open your eyes, please!'

'Stay calm, Neal. Don't move her, whatever you do.'

'Her arm looks broken' added Neal, surveying the damage. In the distance, they could hear the siren of the EMT's arriving. Peter took off toward the door they had entered through in order to guide the paramedics to this hidden area of the warehouse.

Neal sat in shock trying to make sense of the situation and listening to Sara's labored breathing as she struggled to move. 'Don't move, baby, stay still, help is on the way. I've got you.' Despite his reassuring words, he felt anything but reassuring. He was not equipped to deal with an unconscious Sara – he found himself inadvertently counting the seconds until he heard the commotion of the EMTs arriving and the clanging of the gurney as it made its way on the cement floor.

The paramedic team arrived and got to work quickly and efficiently and Neal reluctantly moved away to give them room to maneuver. Sara had started to stir and she was asking for him while the EMTs assessed the damage and evaluated the best way to move her to the nearby stretcher.

Peter and Neal stood by in silence, unable to move, waiting for Sara to be settled on the makeshift bed so they could get to the hospital and get her properly assessed and cared for. She called for Neal again and he moved to her side touching her arm to let her know he was there.

'I'm going with her in the ambulance' he shouted out to Peter.

'I'll follow in the car' Peter added.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. Sara had temporarily regained consciousness and appeared to be in terrible pain. The paramedics were tending to her head and her arm which they attempted to immobilize as best they could but Sara seemed confused and upset. She called Neal's name over and over, tears running down her cheeks and reaching out to touch him but he had been asked to move away so they could tend to her. Neal had never felt so helpless in his life, watching someone he loved so vulnerable and in need of comfort. He talked to her all the way, telling her she was going to be ok, that he wasn't going anywhere, that the doctors would make it better - anything else he could think of to keep her calm. Even to his ears, the words sounded hollow.

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'Mr. Caffrey? I'm Dr. Collingwood. I'm the ER physician that first examined Ms. Ellis'. The man was tall and lean and he appeared calm and collected.

'How is she?' Neal blurted out as he walked towards the doctor.

'Are you related to Ms. Ellis?' asked Dr. Collingwood

'I'm her boyfriend' said Neal.

'Are you the baby's father?'

'The baby…. yes, I am' stuttered Neal with just the slightest of hesitations.

The doctor continued: 'Ms. Ellis has a number of injuries. She has a concussion and a gash to the back of her head, she has broken her left arm and she has bruised ribs. It is a miracle that she didn't lose the baby. She must have worked hard to protect her abdomen when she was being kicked in the ribs. I want to do an ultrasound to make certain everything is alright'

'How far along is she?' Neal asked still in shock at this latest bit of information.

'I'll be able to tell you more after the ultrasound'

'Can I see her now?'

'Of course, she's still drifting in and out of consciousness. We've set her arm, and we've bandaged her ribs for the moment. We want her under observation for the next 48 hours because of the concussion and her pregnancy, of course, which is now a high-risk pregnancy considering the events of this afternoon.

'Thank you, doctor.'

Neal stood by the door to Sara's room. As anxious as he was to step inside, to see her, touch her, to talk to her – he needed a minute to process what had just happened. Sara was pregnant. How? When? How could he not know, how could she not tell him?

They had been going strong and steady for a few months now since his return from Cape Verde and things were really good between them, better than they had ever been. With the recovery of the Raphael behind them, there were very few secrets left – 'right Neal', he told himself, 'except for this major secret that she's failed to share with you'. Why didn't she tell him? Did she just find out a few days ago? Had she known for weeks? Did she not want to keep the baby? Was she planning on leaving him? After all, this wasn't the kind of secret one could keep for very long. Maybe she had been on the verge of telling him – she had suggested a special night out on the following weekend. He thought back to the last few days and weeks – had he noticed a change in her lately?

When did she get preg - oh, shit, he thought as he remembered back to a night about six weeks ago. June had thrown a party and he and Sara had had a terrific time and more wine than they should have – especially him, he prided himself on always being in total control of his actions. The meal had been great, the company terrific and his defences had been down, much more so than he usually allowed. And he remembered a little malfunction with the condom he had reluctantly taken out of the bedside table. At the time, they had both laughed at how inept he had been putting it on but thinking back, he realized they had been playing with fire.

His mind numb and his thoughts scattered, he peered into the room where Sara lay motionless on the bed, still unconscious. This was not the time to throw all these questions at her. He had to give her some time to heal, to come to terms with her injuries. He was going to have to put on the famous Neal Caffrey mask for the next few days while the dust settled. The time for questions – and answers – would come soon enough. He pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

Neal had been sitting by the bed holding Sara's hand for hours when she opened her eyes and looked up as him. 'Neal' she whispered quietly, pulling him out of his reverie.

'Hey, gorgeous, how are you doing?' he piped up as cheerfully as he could muster.

'Can I have some water?' she croaked out barely more than a whisper.

He reached for the pitcher and poured her a glass of water which he held to her lips so she could drink slowly.

'Head hurts' she muttered. 'What happened?'

Neal slowly took her through the events of the day ending with how he and Peter had found her lying in the warehouse.

'Did you see who did this to you?' he asked patiently holding her hand in his.

'No – need to close my eyes' she spoke oh so quietly.

She looked so damn vulnerable and tiny lying in that bed. All of a sudden, he wanted to make it all better and he whispered 'OK, sweetie. You sleep and we'll talk later. I'll be here.'

He was interrupted by Janet, the nurse assigned to Sara who was opening the door gently as to not disturb the patient.

'She woke up for a few minutes' said Neal with a smile.

'That's great news, you've got to be patient with head injuries, though. It's going to take a while for everything to come back to her and for her thoughts to be coherent. I brought Sara's purse – it had been left in the ambulance.'

'Thanks' said Neal, reaching to take the purse. He noticed that Sara's day timer was sticking out of her bag and suddenly wondered if she might have written down her 'appointment' at the warehouse and the name of her contact. A lead would go a long way to making him feel better at this point in time. The day timer opened to next week's appointments and Neal immediately spotted a notation for an appointment Tuesday of the following week at the Women's Clinic on Third Street. Neal didn't remember Sara saying anything about a doctor's appointment and wondered what all that was about. He pulled out his phone and googled the clinic. He dropped his phone when he read the clinic's vocation.

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'She was going to have an abortion without even telling me she was pregnant!' Neal was speaking loudly, gesticulating.

'Neal, calm down' said Elizabeth. 'You can't be sure'

'Elizabeth, the Women's Clinic specializes in abortions. How can she do this without even speaking to me about it?'

'She's only been awake for 24 hours Neal, give her time. Maybe she was planning to discuss it with you. You don't know for sure.'

'Time? he roared, the appointment was made before Sara was hurt. Look, I've got to get back to the hospital. Mozzie's staying with her while I shower and change but he hates hospitals and I don't want Sara to be alone – not now.'

'Neal, whatever you decide, give her an opening to talk about it. Don't push her – not now, she's not in any shape to have you come at her all self-righteous.'

'I know you're right and I'm torn between being worried about her and being pissed off at her for keeping this from me. A baby, Elizabeth, a baby…. it's mine too. I should have a say.'

'It's her body, Neal' Elizabeth replied and Neal looked down unsure what to say next.

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Elizabeth's words echoed in his mind all the way to the hospital. Of course, she was right, this was Sara's body and having a baby or not was her decision to make. But he was hurt, upset and angry that she hadn't felt she could talk to him about it. They'd been closer than ever these past few months; he felt they could talk about anything. Sure, he still had his little adventures with Mozzie that he didn't offer any details about and their jobs - they couldn't always share details about what was going on at the Bureau and at Sterling Bosch - but this was different. It had taken two people to create this situation and he believed that they should both be involved in discussing the fallout.

Upon arriving at the hospital, he saw that Sara was actually sitting up and chatting with Mozzie. She looked so much more alert than when he had left her a few hours before.

'Hey Sara, how're you feeling?' Neal kissed her gently on the lips as he entered the room.

'I can vouch for the fact that she's feeling much better' said Mozzie as he picked up his jacket to leave.

'Thanks Moz' added Neal, 'I owe you one'.

'Bye Mozzie, thanks for the visit' added Sara as he slipped out of the room.

Neal turned to face Sara and something had changed in her face. He couldn't quite put a finger on it but she looked almost embarrassed to look him in the eye.

'It's great to see you sitting up' he offered as he took her hand.

'The doctor was here. Looks like I'm going to make it after all' she added with a small laugh. 'He said the worse will be letting these ribs heal and I have to warn you, do not make me laugh… '

'How does your head feel' asked Neal. 'It was really a mess when I found you.'

'Better, but I'm going to have a lovely bald spot for a while until my hair grows back – not very sexy, I'm afraid'

'You're always sexy to me' said Neal with a warm smile. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds then Sara spoke.

'You know, don't you?' she said quietly not quite managing to look in his eyes.

'Yeah, the doctor let it slip yesterday while he was updating me on your condition. Sara…'

'I'm sorry Neal, I'm sure you're disappointed I didn't talk to you about it. To be honest, I was embarrassed at first. We're not teenagers anymore and I didn't know how this could happen when we are always so careful. I guess I didn't want you to think I had planned this in any way'

'Sara, I was in the room at the time, a willing participant…'

'I know, but neither one of us signed up for this so I figured I would just take care of it and then we could just carry on like before and no one would be the wiser'

He suddenly remembered a night, several months ago, when Sara had made a late night visit to his apartment. 'Do you remember the night you came to see me the week before my commutation hearing? Do you remember what you said when you walked into my apartment that night?'

'I told you not to hold things back from me – that I could handle things myself and come to my own conclusions'

'Don't you think that advice applies here? Or is the idea of co-parenting a child with me so terrible?' He immediately regretted the harshness of his tone as he saw the reaction in her eyes.

'That is not the point' Sara said grimacing as she tried to sit up further.

Neal could see that she was struggling and he gently placed a hand on her shoulder to get her to lie back on the pillow.

'Look, maybe this is not the best time to talk about this. How about you rest for awhile and we can carry on when you've had a nap? What do you say?'

'It's not going to change anything, Neal. My mind is made up'

He sighed and smiled – a very small Neal Caffrey smile – and nodded.

'Sleep, you need to get your strength back. I'm not going anywhere; I'll be here when you wake up' he said kissing her on the forehead.

Well, that hadn't gone as well as expected. He was pushing too hard – Sara needed to have some time to process all this and he needed to sort out his thoughts and feelings and find a way to communicate them more clearly to her.

Sara closed her eyes reluctantly and was asleep in minutes although her sleep seemed restless. A few times Neal heard her moan and clutch her stomach with her good arm and he wondered if she was re-living those horrible moments when she was attacked. He felt guilty for upsetting her when she needed to save her energy for healing both emotionally and physically.

A gentle knock on the door made him look up. It was Peter popping in after his day at the office.

'Hi' he whispered. Is this a bad time?'

'No, she just fell asleep and I could use a cup of coffee. Why don't we go down to the cafeteria for a few minutes and give her some quiet time.'

They walked shoulder to shoulder as they did most days, always in step and often able to read each others' thoughts. Once they were settled with their coffees, Peter was the first to speak.

'El told me about your conversation. How are you doing?'

'Confused mostly, angry, sad, upset, you name it…'

'Have you spoken to Sara about it yet?'

'Started to but she's not up to it yet and I don't want her to feel pushed until she can hold her own. Peter, am I missing something? How would you feel if Elizabeth plotted to have an abortion without even telling you she was pregnant?'

'Slow down, Neal. I don't think you can qualify this as plotting until you get more information and as far as El and I are concerned, we've been married for twelve years. I don't think you can compare our situations at the moment. Your relationship with Sara is still new and who knows what's going through her mind. Give it time…'

Neal interrupted. 'Time, Peter, she has an appointment for an abortion on Tuesday that's four days away!'

'Neal, I doubt she's going to be going anywhere in four days; she's recovering from a major trauma. You've got to stop being so damn impulsive. It's obvious she loves you and you love her so cut yourself some slack and give her some space. Now that you've broached the subject, she might be rethinking her position. Let her know how you feel about it and open up the conversation. How _do_ you feel about having a baby in seven and a half months?'

'I don't know Peter, I'm still wrapping my mind around it. I just don't want her to do anything rash until we've talked it through. I've always wanted kids someday and I agree this is not the ideal time but we're not 16 here. We are both adults with jobs and resources. What if this was our only chance to have a baby? And then there's Sara - I love her but I'm not sure I can commit to a life with her.'

'That's my point, Neal, maybe she's thinking the exact same thing and you can talk each other through the pros and cons. Bottom line, buddy, it's her decision, all you can do is tell her how you feel and what you would be willing to do.'

'That's just it, said Neal, looking intently in his coffee cup, I guess I'm not sure myself what I want.'

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After spending the rest of the evening with Sara avoiding the elephant in the room, Neal gave her a kiss goodnight, promising to be there first thing in the morning, and started the long trek home. He walked for twelve blocks not remembering a single landmark before arriving on Riverside Drive shortly after 10:30. He was physically exhausted but his mind was running around in circles like a gerbil in a wheel.

As he lay in bed, thinking of the last few months, he began to realize that, after many years of struggle and uncertainty, his life was pretty well perfect at the moment. He had a year left on the anklet, his relationship with Peter was stable and the trust factor had never been higher, he loved the work he was doing and loved his apartment, he and Mozzie had arrived at a mutually agreed upon level of 'coloring outside the lines' and of course his relationship with Sara left him happy and fulfilled. This new wrinkle was something they could work through, he was certain.

He tried to visualize his life without Sara and that left him bereft and sad. Whatever solution they came up with had to leave their relationship intact because, as far as he was concerned, a life without Sara was not the life he wanted for himself.

A baby sure would shake things up, though. He had always enjoyed children – Peter would say that he was still a child himself. He could see himself in a parenting role with a baby, a toddler, a young child, an adolescent…. He felt that his life experiences, although not all shining moments, had prepared him to support a child through rough times. Of course, there was the all important issue of his relationship with Sara. Although he didn't feel ready to commit to her for the rest of his life YET, he truly cared for her, loved her and didn't foresee a time in the future when his feelings would change. He had had enough of sowing his wild oats and although he enjoyed the company of other women, he was perfectly fulfilled in his relationship with Sara.

The question that remained – could he commit to being a parent for the rest of his life? Surprisingly, that answer came a lot more easily. He could see himself co-parenting with Sara and being there to support her and his child into adulthood. This realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Maybe, that was Sara's concern, that he would not be able to make a full commitment to a baby but it was clear in his mind that that was not the case. He had been left to fend for himself as he grew up first with both parents and then with his mom in witsec and he believed that this had contributed to him being lured to the dark side – a life of crime. He would never allow another human being, especially not his flesh and blood, to make the choices he had made. He started to relax and decided that, after all, he did know what he wanted. Now, he needed to get Sara to talk about her reasons for booking that appointment. He suddenly felt calm and fell into a dreamless sleep.

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Morning dawned to a much more optimistic Neal. He was feeling confident that he could have a calm and productive discussion with Sara about their future. If everything went well, she could be released as early as tomorrow and he wanted to discuss having her come and stay at June's until she was back to her fully functioning self. He was also hopeful that she would be open to hearing about his point of view and that she would be honest in sharing her apprehensions which he felt confident he could unravel one by one. Sure, they hadn't planned on a pregnancy at this point in their relationship but it happened and they were fully capable of dealing with the arrival of a little Ellis-Caffrey person and become competent, caring parents. He hoped to convince her of this and of his sincere and long term commitment to parenting their child.

He could hear her objections echoing in his mind – he knew her well – her fear that he would run out on her, her insecurities about being a mom, her concerns about her career, but he felt confident that she wanted this baby deep down. After all, Dr. Collingwood had mentioned how she had fought to protect the baby during her brutal attack. Neal sighed. This pregnancy thing had occupied all his thoughts but he needed to remember that Sara had been brutally attacked just two days ago and she needed to heal physically as well. He also was anxious to get back to work so he could join Peter in unravelling who was behind the attack.

However, today was Saturday and he wanted to dedicate his whole day to Sara, taking care of her and convincing her that he was capable of being there to support her and the baby, every step of the way.

He walked with confidence, stopping for coffee and picking up some pastries for Sara. He knew she was partial to cheese Danishes so he picked up a couple and also stopped at a flower shop to grab a beautiful bouquet of orchids – her favorite. She was going through a rough time and it was his job to support her through it – he hoped these little touches would help him on his mission.

As he arrived at the hospital, he spotted Elizabeth on her way out. She had just come from an early visit with Sara and she was anxious to fill Neal in on Sara's health and mood.

'Hey Neal! You look chipper this morning' she said as she got closer to him

'Hi Elizabeth, yeah feeling much better than the last time we talked. Thanks by the way, for listening to my ranting and raving. What you told me really helped. I've had time to think and things are much clearer now. How did you find Sara this morning?'

'Physically, she's looking stronger. They're talking about letting her leave the hospital tomorrow. She's shaky, though. Not only the attack but with the pregnancy too. Now, that everyone knows, she was able to open up to me a little bit.'

'Elizabeth, I heard you when you said this is her body, her decision but I want you to know that I really want us to have this baby and I'm willing to give 100% of myself to make it happen. Did Sara say anything to you about wanting the baby?' he asked, hesitant.

'I think she's more confused than you are, Neal, there's her career and she's clear that she doesn't feel able to raise a child alone. She's really worried about you feeling trapped into a relationship with her and the baby. My advice is be honest with her, Neal, this is not the time to con her – if you have any doubts, speak up.'

'Thanks Elizabeth, good advice as always. I guess it's up to Sara and me to start communicating honestly about this whole thing. Did she say anything about her appointment at the clinic?'

'Didn't come up' she answered. 'Why don't you come over for dinner tonight and we can talk some more'

'I don't think so. I don't want to leave Sara alone on her last night at the hospital. I'll give you a call later and let you know how she's doing'

'Maybe you could both come over tomorrow – if Sara is up to it, of course. We'll talk later. See you'. Elizabeth waved as she walked to her car.

Neal walked purposefully down the hall towards Sara's room, feeling confident that he would be able to share his feelings with her. If she truly did not want to be a mother at this point in her life, he was going to have to respect that, but he needed to set her straight if her apprehensions were about his ability to make a commitment. The more he thought about welcoming a child, his and Sara's child, into the world the more it felt right. He had come a long way in the past few years and sure, it was scary to think about being responsible for another human being, but he knew this would be just one more anchor to a new life he realized he wanted more than anything.

He could see Sara through the open door, deep in thought, looking a bit anxious and he took the final few steps to breach the gap between them. At the sight of him, her face appeared to relax somewhat and she called out to him, smiling 'hi'.

She looked good, better than the day before and calmer. He quickly put down the bakery bags, flowers and coffee and walked towards the bed.

'Hi, yourself' he said 'you look great, Sara. How did you sleep?'

'Not bad, she said and the good news is I can leave tomorrow if it's still ok for me to come stay with you at June's' she added

'Yes! That's great news. June is really happy to have you stay and Peter said I could have a few days off at the beginning of the week to get you settled in.'

He looked at her, so small in the bed, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and he felt the need to reassure her that he was there to carry part of the load. He was looking forward to taking care of her over the next few weeks until she could be more self-sufficient. Suddenly, he had an overwhelming urge to be near her and hold her. He moved closer and sat alongside her, taking his shoes off and putting his legs up on the bed next to hers.

'Do you think I'll get in trouble if I sneak a cuddle' he asked

'You won't get in trouble with me' she giggled 'but I can't speak for the nurses'.

He enjoyed the physical closeness. They had been apart for a few days (and nights) now and he missed her physical presence in his life. He gingerly put his arm around her and pulled her in close to his chest. He could feel her breathing against him.

'Neal, how did we get ourselves into this mess?' she finally said softly and she gave him a look that made his heart melt.

'I don't know that I would call this a mess. Look, we let our guard down and this happened'. He suddenly remembered the night of June's party and the closeness they had felt. 'Do you remember that night, Repo? It was pretty spectacular as I recall. Do you regret it?'

'Oh Neal, you sure know how to put a spin on things. I never regret being with you and you are the best thing in my life but we have to think very carefully of the consequences, here. I honestly don't feel like I can raise a child on my own – I don't think I have that in me. You and I are doing great right now but we're nowhere near ready to commit to each other for the rest of our lives. I can't ask you to be there to raise a child...

He cut her off mid-sentence. He needed to set her straight on his motivations.

'Whoa, whoa, who said anything about asking me, I _want_ to commit to raising a child with you. You're right, we need to keep building on our relationship and we're not quite at the 'til death do us part' stage but I'm not ruling it out, are you? And, if for some reason we can't see today, we do go our separate ways, there is still such a thing as co-parenting and that is where I'm all in, 100%, no doubt. That part is crystal clear for me and I don't know what words I can ever say that will convince you of that. I am not the man I was 5 years ago, 6 months ago, even 2 weeks ago. Every day, I want you more, Sara, and I want to be the kind of man you can count on and be proud of. And believe me, there is no better motivation for becoming a better person than to be somebody's dad. You and me, Sara, we're not big on sticking to the traditional way of doing things; we have been known to color outside the lines'

She was listening intently and Neal felt he had been able to make his point. Hopefully, she had heard the sincerity in his voice but he could see she was still having trepidations.

'How about we both give ourselves one more day to think this through' she suggested 'we both want what's best for everyone involved so let's make a pact to be 100% honest all the way through'

'OK' said Neal, realizing this was far as Sara could go right now. 'Let's take one more day to think this through.'

Suddenly, he wanted to kiss her more than anything. He started with a soft kiss but when she started to respond, he deepened the kiss thankful that the nurses weren't around to give him hell for being up on the bed with her. Suddenly, he remembered he had brought food and jumped off the bed to open the bakery bags.

'Oh, I almost forgot' he said 'I brought you some cheese Danish for breakfast, you hungry?'

For the first time in days, he heard her laugh, that sexy throaty laugh she had when she didn't have time to sensor it first and he knew they would be ok, no matter what. He handed over the Danish and smiled at her.

He slept peacefully that night. He dreamt he was walking in a corridor in a school. He heard a child call out 'daddy' and he turned to see this beautiful little girl running towards him. She had amazing hazel eyes and dark curls. She threw herself in his arms, giggling.

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Sunday morning arrived and Neal took one last look around his apartment. Everything was in place for Sara's arrival - food in the fridge, fresh linen on the bed and flowers on the table. He was looking forward to having her home. He was also anxious for the end of their discussion and somehow realized that whatever happened would be for the best. Nothing would change the way he felt about Sara and his optimism for their future. He closed the door gently behind him and headed to the hospital to pick her up...


	2. Chapter 2

**Coloring outside the lines**

**(Sara's POV)**

Sara was lying in bed quietly as to not wake Neal who was gently snoring next to her, totally oblivious to the inner turmoil she was trying to keep in check. She'd been awake since four a.m. and it seemed like a lovely day was dawning as far as she could tell from the reflection of the early sun streaming in through the skylight over the bed. But her mind was elsewhere, reliving the events of the previous morning – events that had totally taken over her psyche over the past 24 hours.

Yesterday morning had been so different. She had been awakened by Neal kissing her gently behind her ear, whispering his appreciation at having her in bed next to him. Opening her eyes, reluctantly at first, she had seen his smiling eyes and that unmistakable look of naughtiness and lust that she so appreciated first thing in the morning. They had made love gently and silently as was their habit when they had morning sex - she loved feeling this close to Neal; there was no pretense, no discussion, no cajoling just an instant connection initiated by one or the other and an understanding that this was what they both needed and wanted before they started their busy day.

Afterwards, she had gone into the bathroom, mindful to bring her purse along containing the item she had purchased at the drugstore the day before – an item she thought she would never need to purchase. The wait had seemed interminable as she sat on the toilet staring at the pee stick, blinking over and over again, scared to look yet terrified not to. Her mind had wandered back to the evening of June's dinner party about six weeks ago. They had been celebrating June's birthday and the wine had flowed freely. She and Neal had over imbibed, a very unusual occurrence, especially where Neal was concerned and by the end of the evening, they had fallen into bed giddy and oblivious to the precautions they usually took. She remembered having to remind Neal to reach for a condom – something Neal had never needed reminding of before - and he had fumbled while putting in on, laughing and ripping it ever so slightly. But neither one of them had had the patience nor the inclination to try again and they had jumped into action without a second thought. What the hell had she been thinking?

The faint + sign that appeared on the stick seemed like a mirage and she was totally unprepared for the effect it had on her. Although she had suspected for almost two weeks, she had continued to hope against hope that this wasn't really happening to her.

Twenty four hours later, she knew all too well that she could not continue to kid (no pun intended) herself any more. Neal started to stir next to her reaching languidly over her abdomen with an extended arm and she looked over at his face – peaceful and sleeping – oblivious to the havoc his little swimmers had unleashed weeks before. She slipped out of his grasp and he moaned disapprovingly as she put her feet on the floor rising from the bed.

'Got to get an early start' she whispered

'Seriously?' he grunted, eyes opening against the morning light

'Afraid so, I've got an appointment at 8:30'

'That seems awfully early' he responded as he tried unsuccessfully to reach for her and pull her back onto the bed.

'C'mon, Caffrey, make me some breakfast, will you?'

'Suuuure' he countered, realising the battle was lost. He pushed the blankets off himself and grabbed a t-shirt off the nearby chair 'What's your pleasure, repo?'

'Toast and tea would be great' she answered

They ate quietly at the table, Neal telling her about a case he and Peter were about to close and asking her about her plans for the day.

'I'm hoping to get a big score today', she volunteered 'I got a lead on a Degas that is being fenced out of a warehouse down by the garment district. Should be going down this afternoon'

'Sara, I really don't like you going out on these recoveries on your own, especially in that part of town. Why don't you wait until I get off work and I can come along?'

'Thanks anyways, Caffrey, but I've been doing this for a long time and as long as I have my trusty baton, I'm good to go.'

She started to get dressed and as she grabbed her shoes, the usual Sara Ellis four inch stiletto heels, Neal couldn't hold back his usual comment about her (poor) choice for a recovery. Their usual banter …. But this morning, it was anything but usual as Sara thought about the doctor's appointment she had secured for 8:30 at the clinic downtown. Although, it seemed like a foregone conclusion, she was about to get the confirmation that she was about six weeks pregnant.

She kissed Neal goodbye, lingering a bit longer than usual and looking into his eyes where she saw nothing but blissful ignorance of the situation and deciding that she really should talk to him after her appointment, maybe over dinner tonight.

'You ok, Sara, you look a little preoccupied?' he asked

'This is a big one Neal, I just want today to be over. Have a good day and let me know about plans for dinner later ok?' she countered as she ran out the door.

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Sara had made regular visits to this office many times over the past ten years and although visiting your OB-GYN is never 'fun', she had never been so terrified to open that door as she was this morning. The waiting room was full of women in various stages of pregnancy and she thought to herself 'you're part of the club, Ellis!' She spotted a very pregnant young woman and thought how uncomfortable she looked and that she could pop at any minute! The fleeting thought of childbirth sent a prickly shiver down her spine; she had never before given _that_ ANY thought. And babies, sure they were cute when you passed them on the street or when you saw them in those Huggies commercials but actually popping one out and having to take it home and raise it was a whole other story. How the hell did she end up here? – oh yeah, Caffrey and his fucking charm. That wasn't fair, she thought, she had been there too 'I didn't hear you insisting that he take out another condom and start again', she thought, 'you were just as anxious to get down to it as Neal was'.

Neal would freak out if he knew what was going on. Better to keep him in the dark until she figured out for herself what she wanted to do. Maybe he never needed to know anything. She liked things the way they were between them; they were finally at a great place in their relationship. Since he'd returned from his island escape, they had slowly begun to rebuild the bond that had been badly damaged by his departure. Neal had tried hard to make amends and although she could never trust Neal one hundred percent on every issue, she knew she could count on him for the important stuff and if she was honest with herself, she had fallen in love a long time ago even though she had never really said the words out loud.

'Ms. Ellis, the doctor is ready for you' the receptionist piped up

Sara followed her into the inner office like she was walking to the gallows and sat nervously in the doctor's office waiting for her to make her entrance - which took entirely too long in Sara's opinion. Finally, Dr. Cooper appeared - she was a middle-aged woman, a 'motherly type', pleasantly plump with a ready smile and a friendly face. She looked directly at Sara as she sat down at her desk.

'Hi Sara, well as you suspected you are about six weeks along' she said taking her cue from Sara's reaction.

'No, I'm exactly six weeks and 5 days along. I know exactly when this happened. We have always been so careful except for this damn slip-up. I am never touching wine again!'

'Sara, there are worst things in life than an unplanned pregnancy. You're thirty one years old'

'That's just it, I still have lots of time, don't I? This was really not the plan, Dr. Cooper. I've been back with my boyfriend, Neal - you remember I told you about him – for a few months but he's not exactly white picket fence and live happily ever after material. And I've never given more than a fleeting thought to parenthood. Shit, shit, shit' she added.

'Look Sara, many options are available to you and I know you are smart enough to make the best decision for your circumstance but my advice is to give yourself a few days and to talk to your young man. People react in different ways to unforeseen events and you may be surprised at his reaction. Do you think Neal wants children?' she asked.

'I don't know, we've never talked about it but I'd have to say that he is generally more interested in kids than I am. He had a rough childhood himself and I think someday, he'll make a great father. He is very sensitive and really loyal to those he cares about. But that's in the future and I don't know if it will be with me.'

'All you can do is share how you feel and listen to his point of view. Of course, this is entirely your decision but his input might have an impact on what you decide. Here's a handout with some of the options for you Sara - let me know if you have any questions and please, let me know what you decide and we'll work from there.' Dr. Cooper stood up to leave and she hesitated for a moment and gave Sara a warm hug before leaving the room.

'Thanks Dr. Cooper, I do appreciate your opinion' Sara spoke very softly gathering up her things.

She stepped onto the street, grabbed a cab to the office and looked at the handout she had just been given. Her eyes immediately went to the section titled 'Pregnancy termination'. Her phone buzzed indicating she had a text from Neal: 'Peter's wearing his lucky tie today - heaven help me!' he had written. She smiled and thought about how great everything was right now and how she didn't want a single thing to change. She picked up her phone and dialed the number for the Women's Clinic. 'Hi, she said, I'd like to schedule a termination, please'.

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Back at office, Sara found herself in work mode and able to compartmentalize what had just happened in the doctor's office. Her decision was made, now all she had to do was take a deep breath, go through with the termination and it would all be behind her by next Tuesday night. She was now second guessing whether she should tell Neal. He was the sensitive one in their coupling and she was afraid he would feel obligated to make some half hearted attempt to offer some support if she decided to keep the baby. He was a good guy and he would never leave her in a lurch but let's face it, it was quite a stretch between being there to rub her shoulders when she had a bad day and committing to raising a child with her for the next twenty years.

She looked at her watch and realized that it was almost time to leave for the warehouse. She was hoping to recover a Degas – not one of the ones with the 'gauzy ballerinas' but the one called 'Race horses'. It was worth a couple of million dollars and she stood to make an excellent commission if she recovered it – her usual 2%. She had gotten a lead from a snitch who knew someone was fencing it this afternoon out of a warehouse by the river - so much for honor among thieves she thought. Sara hated that area of town but hey, this was her job and she was very good at it so she checked her purse for her trusty baton and headed out the door.

Across town, Jonathan Martin III was getting ready to leave his penthouse. Today was the day he was getting his hands on an original Degas not a wimpy ballerina one but the one with the horses. He loved being one of the privileged few who could buy anything his little heart desired including protection – he had hired two thugs to accompany him to the meet. After all, he didn't want to get his beautifully manicured hands dirty in the transaction.

The area was creepy and dirty and Sara looked down at her shoes and sighed. Of course, Neal was right, these were really not ideal shoes for this mission but she would never admit it and she trudged on – as much as one can trudge in four inch heels. She entered through a half-open door and listened for any telltale signs that someone was in the warehouse. Voices could be heard in the distance and she began walking tentatively in that direction trying to minimize the click clack of her damn heels - the cement floor didn't help in that regard. She noticed row upon row of boxes on shelves and she started down one of those corridors as the voices grew louder. It sounded like two men and the conversation was getting a bit heated.

'Alright, she thought, walk in there with authority like you belong and you know what the hell you're doing'. She picked up the speed and now she could clearly hear arguing about price. She rounded the corner at the end of the row and made her presence known. But there were four men, not two as she had suspected. Two men stood behind this ivy-league guy in a suit and the thugs looked pretty menacing if truth be told. Across from them, the other man, obviously the fence was holding the painting in his hands and trying to look intimidating although he wasn't doing a very good job of it.

'Well, well, what do we have here' sneered the guy in the suit. 'Who invited this lovely lady to the party?'

'Save it, buddy' Sara's voice was authoritative and strong. 'I know what's going on here and I hate to burst your bubble but I'm the only one who's going to be walking out with that painting. That's stolen goods and I'm here to recover it'

'Is that so?' the same jerk answered.

The fence was looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and she turned towards him and put out her left hand to reach for the painting. Her other hand was trembling in her purse as she felt her baton under her fingertips. But she barely had the time to react when suddenly she felt this force on the back of her head - was that a gun that had just bashed her skull in she wondered as she started to collapse to the ground. Her right hand was still in her bag for all the good that was doing and she was off balance as she tumbled onto her left side hearing this horrible cracking sound in her arm as she hit the cement.

'Shit' she thought 'didn't see that coming...' She was disoriented but had enough sense to swiftly kick the asshole who had just administered the pistol whip and she hit him mid-leg sending him reeling as he swore colorfully at her. The second thug stepped up and gave her an unexpected kick in the ribs which sent pain all through her body and her shoes flying off her feet.

'Hey, those are $600 dollar shoes' she thought wondering why the hell that would even enter her mind at this point in time. She grabbed her stomach and turned away from the guy who had administered the kick and sure enough, he was not done with her. He kicked her several more times as she heard her dress rip and after the second kick, she curled up on herself and the last thought she had was 'DON'T HURT MY BABY' then everything went black.

She had no idea how long she lay there but when Sara regained consciousness, she was in incredible pain. She opened her eyes and saw blood by her head and she was vaguely aware that she was alone. Incapable of putting together any coherent strategy, she lay for a moment and drifted off again. The next time she woke, she was aware that she was covered partially with a sheet or something. Her arm was weirdly lying by her side like it wasn't even part of her body and her head and left side were throbbing. She thought she could hear a noise in the distance - was that someone calling her name? and then she blacked out again. She kept hearing her name over and over again but couldn't get her eyes open. Was that Neal's voice? Suddenly her head was being lifted and placed onto something soft and someone was stroking her hair. Who was that and why couldn't she open her eyes?

There was a lot of commotion all of a sudden and the gentle stroking stopped. 'Aww' she thought, 'that was the only thing that felt remotely good...' and then she was being touched by more than one person. The movement caused her to stir and she instinctively called out for Neal and thought 'he's at work, you idiot, he can't help you because you were too stubborn to let him come with you' but no, she thought he was there and she called for him again. She felt herself being lifted up off the ground and then she was moving, the pain in her head and side unbearable. She was crying 'God, I hate crying' she thought but she wanted the pain to stop. Where was Neal? – hadn't he been there just a few seconds ago? Did he just leave and go back to work? She was having trouble making sense of anything with the searing pain and the humming in her head. She let herself sink into blissful unconsciousness once more.

When she next opened her eyes, Sara was lying in a bed, her vision was blurry and she saw a dark head of hair lying by her right arm and felt someone holding her hand.

'Neal?' she managed to say.

'Hey gorgeous, how are you doing? Neal said, lifting his head. He looked horrible, his eyes were red and he had a tremor in his voice that she had never heard before.

She was incredibly thirsty. 'Can I have some water?' she managed to say in a whisper.

She felt Neal let go of her hand and reach over and pour some water into a glass for her. He brought it to her lips. Man, that felt good but she could only manage a small sip.

Everything hurt and she was terribly confused. 'Head hurts' she said to Neal 'what happened?'

'You went on a recovery at a warehouse, remember the Degas?, and you were attacked. Peter and the team are looking into it. Did you see who did this to you?' He was holding her hand again and it helped to anchor her in the here and now.

But she couldn't keep it together any longer 'No' she managed to say 'need to close my eyes'.

She was already drifting away when she heard Neal in a very faraway voice 'OK, sweetie. You sleep and we'll talk later. I'll be here'. That sounded nice, she thought, he'll be here and he called me sweetie, he never calls me sweetie, he must really be worried. And that was her last thought before she drifted to sleep once again.

She continued to drift in and out of sleep and each time she opened her eyes she caught sight of Neal nearby but he didn't seem to notice her eyes opening. Once he was in a chair reading a book and the next time she opened her eyes, he was sitting, holding her hand with a very sad and faraway look on his face. He really needed to shave and shower and change his clothes - he looked horrible, she thought as she felt herself slip away again.

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The next time she awoke, she was surprised to see that Neal had morphed into a five foot six bald guy with glasses – oh no, that was Mozzie, she realized.

'Hi Sara, how're you doing' asked Mozzie tentatively

'Mozzie, hi. Where's Neal?'

'I convinced him to go shower and change. He was here for 36 hours straight. He's going to be pissed that you woke up while he was gone but he'll be back any minute' he added

'Poor guy, he must be exhausted, can you help me sit up?' Sara asked as she started to get her bearings. She actually felt human again, a very sore human, but human nonetheless.

'You've been through the wringer, Sara and I know you were already coping with a lot' ventured Mozzie.

'What do you mean?' Sara suddenly feared he somehow knew her secret.

'Well, I saw what you left in the bottom of the trashcan when I was doing my weekly sweep for bugs yesterday.'

'Really? Is nothing sacred? The bottom of the trashcan...' She took a deep breath but that made the pain in her ribs come alive. 'Mozzie, Neal doesn't know yet and I'm not at all sure I want him to.'

'Kinda major news, don't you think' he countered

'Not if it isn't news at all' she answered. He looked puzzled for a moment before he understood her intent and frowned. Mozzie was nothing if not loyal to Neal and he instinctively saw things from Neal's perspective.

'You're not even going to discuss this with him? And by the way, he knows about the pregnancy _and_ your clandestine appointment next week.'

'How?' was all she could say.

'The doctor was updating Neal on your condition yesterday and asked if he was the baby's father – dead giveaway. And Neal was looking in your daybook for a lead on who you were meeting at the warehouse yesterday and stumbled onto this appointment you have at the clinic next week. He's pretty smart, you know, he figured it out and he's devastated that you didn't talk to him about it _and_ he's worried about you. Neal loves you, you know'

'He's never said' was all Sara could manage as she sat reeling from the shock of what Mozzie had just told her.

'Well, he's told _me_ on many occasions, to my chagrin. He almost ruined our island escape with thoughts of you. Anyway, you should talk to him. He's involved after all.'

'Mozzie, even if what you say is true, Neal is hardly the white picket fence type and neither of us signed up for this when we fell into bed the night of June's damn party'

'Eww, too much information. Sara, I will deny ever having said this but there are many ways of parenting a child. It doesn't automatically mean marriage, a mortgage and a dog. Neal had a crappy childhood and I think he would be a great dad to any kid for just that reason. He would not let a child of his suffer like he did.'

The door to the room opened and there stood Neal, looking much more refreshed than when she had last seen him. He was wearing a blue colored polo and dark jeans and a big smile and she wanted to run to him and have him hold her and make all this mess go away.

'Hey, Sara, how're you feeling?' he asked as he walked purposefully towards her. He kissed her gently on the lips and she savored the taste and smell of him.

'I can vouch for the fact that she's feeling much better' said Mozzie as he picked up his jacket to leave.

'Thanks Moz' added Neal, 'I owe you one'.

'Bye Mozzie, thanks for the visit' said Sara as he slipped out of the room.

Sara looked up at Neal and suddenly felt embarrassed at their predicament and at having contributed to putting them in this situation. She avoided his eyes and those big blues were looking right through her.

'It's great to see you sitting up' he took her hand as he spoke and she felt an immediate connection to him.

'The doctor was here. Looks like I'm going to make it after all' Sara said with a nervous laugh. 'He said the worse will be letting these ribs heal and I have to warn you, do not make me laugh…'

'How does your head feel' asked Neal. 'It was really a mess when I found you.'

'Better, but I'm going to have a lovely bald spot for a while until my hair grows back – not very sexy, I'm afraid'

'You're always sexy to me' Neal said and she could feel the warmth in his smile.

Once again, she thought of how loving and caring Neal had been these last few months and how much was at stake with this all important decision she was about to make. She did not want to lose what they had - she didn't want Neal to feel pressured into something he wasn't truly ready for and she knew for a fact that she could not handle being a single parent. In that moment, the solution seemed clear. She had to go through with the termination but she also had to acknowledge that Neal knew and let him have his say.

'You know, don't you?' she said quietly not quite managing to look in his eyes.

'Yep, the doctor let it slip yesterday while he was updating me on your condition. Sara…'

'I'm sorry Neal, I'm sure you're disappointed I didn't talk to you about it. To be honest, I was embarrassed at first. We're not teenagers anymore and I didn't know how this could happen when we are always so careful. I guess I didn't want you to think I had planned this in any way'

'Sara, I was in the room at the time, a willing participant…' said Neal

'I know, but neither one of us signed up for this so I figured I would just take care of it and then we could just carry on like before and no one would be the wiser'

He surprised her with his next question: 'Do you remember the night you came to see me the week before my commutation hearing? Do you remember what you said when you walked into my apartment that night?'

Of course she remembered that night very well. Peter had told her about Neal's commutation hearing and she had been upset that Neal himself hadn't told her. When he explained that he hadn't wanted to make her feel like she had to say good things about him at the hearing, she had reminded him that she was a big girl and could make up her own mind. She had chastised him for not being more open and discussing things with her. He was making a fair point.

'I told you not to hold things back from me – that I could handle things myself and come to my own conclusions' said Sara sheepishly.

'Don't you think that advice applies here? Or is the idea of co-parenting a child with me so terrible?'

She saw confusion and hurt in his eyes as he spoke. She was losing steam though and fading fast.

'That is not the point' Sara began to feel agitated and tried to sit up straighter and the pain in her ribs ripped through her leaving her breathless.

Neal moved quickly to stop her movement, seeing the pain in her eyes and she let him push her gently back on her pillow. She was exhausted and no match for Neal who was rested and ready for a vigorous discussion.

Luckily, he seemed to assess the situation and said: 'Look, maybe this is not the best time to talk about this. How about you rest for awhile and we can carry on when you've had a nap? What do you say?'

But she didn't want to revisit the issue. She could not ask Neal to be anything other than what he was - a free spirit - and she did not have the fortitude to face parenting on her own.

'It's not going to change anything, Neal. My mind is made up'

He sighed and she saw him smile but she knew a phoney Neal Caffrey smile when she saw one and then he said:

'Sleep, you need to get your strength back. I'm not going anywhere; I'll be here when you wake up' and he bent over and kissed her on the forehead.

Knowing Neal, he wasn't ready to let it go. She would have to be strong for the both of them and keep them from making a terrible mistake.

Neal was there when she woke up an hour later and mentioned that Peter had been by. There were lovely lilies on the bedside table that he had left for her. Neal and Sara sat quietly for a bit holding hands and at one point he sat alongside her on the edge of the bed and gingerly held her. They spoke little and she could sense that Neal was giving her some space and that he was also thinking things through. She was overcome by sadness but her physical pain was making it difficult to think as clearly as she would have liked and she just gave herself over to the moment of Neal holding her close and the sound of his breathing evening out as he began to relax. She wished they were back at June's in his comfortable bed where she could drift off and wake up in his arms. After a while, the nurse arrived and announced that Sara needed her meds and a good night's sleep and Neal kissed her one last time and left quietly promising to be back first thing in the morning.

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When Sara woke up the next morning, she was greeted by Dr. Collingwood who was doing his early rounds.

'You're looking much better than when I last saw you, Ms Ellis. How are you feeling?'

'Better this morning' she said 'Can I leave today?'

'Well, depending on whether you have somewhere to go and someone to take care of you, you could probably leave tomorrow. Your head wound is healing well although you need to replace the bandage on a daily basis. You're out of the woods as far as a concussion is concerned and there is no more that can be done for your arm except give it time to heal. Your ribs are what will cause you the most discomfort, that's for sure, but they will heal in time. I'd like you to see your regular physician next week. As far as your pregnancy is concerned, the ultrasound looks good. You are seven weeks along and all seems normal but do see your OB-GYN and let her know what's happened. She's been getting my updates but she'll want to keep her eye on you so that there are no repercussions. Any questions?'

'No, I guess that just about covers everything' Sara said.

'I talked to your boyfriend last night and he seemed very concerned about your emotional state. How are you doing on that front? Do you need a referral for a therapist?'

'Well you know, a girl doesn't get attacked every day... but Neal is great and I know I can count on him while I get my strength back. I think I'm good for now but I won't hesitate to mention it to my doctor if I feel the need.'

'Alright then, all that's left is for me to wish you a full recovery and hope I never see you in the ER again!' said Dr. Collingwood as he left.

The door closed and Sara noticed Elizabeth hovering outside the room so she motioned her in. Elizabeth greeted her with a kiss and a cup of hot chocolate that Sara had to admit smelled heavenly.

'I overheard that you might be released tomorrow. Do you feel up to it?' she asked her friend as she handed her the cup.

'I guess we'll find out' replied Sara. 'Neal should be here soon and we'll discuss the options but he's already made it clear he wants me to stay at June's for a few days.'

'Neal has been so worried about you, Sara. Do you know how much he cares?'

'I know, Elizabeth, and I feel the same about him. That's why I've decided to terminate the pregnancy. I can't see myself raising a child on my own and frankly, I can't put Neal in a situation where he has to con me and himself into believing that he can be there for the next twenty years.'

'Why are you assuming that it would be a con?' asked Elizabeth sitting on the bed.

'Neal loves to help people, especially those he cares about and if I show him that I am wavering and have any doubts as to my decision, he's going to take that as cue to step in and save the day. I don't want that. Maybe if it was a year from now, things would be different, clearer – if we're still together but now, it's just not the right time.'

'You know, there's never a 'right' time Sara. There's always a reason to put off having a baby. A better job, a bigger house but a baby doesn't care about any of that...' she trailed off as she felt her throat tighten. 'You know, Peter and I tried having a baby for many years and I don't want to project my situation onto you, but when it doesn't happen for you, you realize what a gift a child truly is.'

She stopped for a moment, taking Sara's hand. 'You know except for your fears about facing parenthood alone and not wanting to pressure Neal, you haven't told me how you would feel about becoming a mom'

Tears began to pool in Sara's eyes as she looked up at her friend: 'When I was lying on that cement floor and that thug was kicking me, all I could I think of was keeping my baby safe'

'That's the first time I've heard you refer to 'it' as _your_ baby, Sara'

The women hugged and Elizabeth took her leave.

Sara was left with her thoughts. Elizabeth had made a good point. Sara had been so concerned about not pressuring Neal and so paralysed by her fears of facing parenthood alone; she hadn't really given herself permission to think about how she felt about motherhood. She had never considered herself a maternal type but since she had found out about her pregnancy, she had had this overwhelming need to protect this little being that had begun to grow inside her. Suddenly, she needed desperately to see Neal and talk this through and the sooner, the better.

Luckily, she didn't have to wait long - he arrived in the next few minutes, arms laden with coffee, a bakery bag and beautiful orchids. He smiled as he opened the door to her room and she suddenly felt calmer just at the sight of him.

'Hi' she smiled as he stepped in and began to unburden himself of his packages.

'Hi, yourself' he said 'you look great, Sara. How did you sleep?'

'Not bad, she said and the good news is I can leave tomorrow if it's still ok for me to come stay with you at June's' she added

'Yes! That's great news. June is really happy to have you stay and Peter said I could have a few days off at the beginning of the week to get you settled in.'

She looked at him, so capable of taking care of things when the people he cared about needed him and she thought back to what Elizabeth and Mozzie had said about letting him speak his mind. All along, she had been so sure that she knew what he wanted but she hadn't bothered to check in with him. He moved closer and sat alongside her on the bed, taking his shoes off and putting his legs up next to hers.

'Do you think I'll get in trouble if I sneak a cuddle' he asked

'You won't get in trouble with me' she giggled 'but I can't speak for the nurses'. She paused. 'Neal, how did we get ourselves into this mess?' she added softly as she looked into his eyes.

'I don't know that I would call this a mess. Look, we let our guard down and this happened'. He looked at her, his eyes shining. 'Do you remember that night, repo? It was pretty spectacular as I recall. Do you regret it?'

'Oh Neal, you sure know how to put a spin on things. I never regret being with you and you are the best thing in my life but we have to think very carefully of the consequences, here. I honestly don't feel like I can raise a child on my own – I don't think I have that in me. You and I are doing great right now but we're nowhere near ready to commit to each other for the rest of our lives. I can't ask you to be there to raise a child...

'Whoa, whoa, who said anything about asking me, I _want_ to commit to raising a child with you. You're right, we need to keep building on our relationship and we're not quite at the 'til death do us part' stage but I'm not ruling it out, are you? And, if for some reason we can't see today, we do go our separate ways, there is still such a thing as co-parenting and that is where I'm all in, 100%, no doubt. That part is crystal clear for me and I don't know what words I can ever say that will convince you of that. I am not the man I was 5 years ago, 6 months ago, even 2 weeks ago. Every day, I want you more, Sara, and I want to be the kind of man you can count on and be proud of. And believe me, there is no better motivation for becoming a better person than to be somebody's dad. You and me, Sara, we're not big on sticking to the traditional way of doing things; we have been known to color outside the lines'

Sara laid her head against Neal's chest as she listened. She wanted more than anything to believe every word but this was unpredictable, impulsive, romantic Neal. Had he really thought this through or was he just living in the moment.

'How about we both give ourselves one more day to think this through' she suggested 'we both want what's best for everyone involved so let's make a pact to be 100% honest all the way through'

'OK' said Neal, realizing this was far as Sara could go right now. 'Let's take one more day to think this through.'

He snuck a kiss from her at this point, a deep probing kiss, his eyes shining and a mischievous smile on his lips.

'Oh, I almost forgot' he said jumping off the bed 'I brought you some cheese Danish for breakfast, you hungry?'

She let out a throaty laugh, the first one since this whole ordeal began and she put out her hand to take the pastry he offered her.

She slept peacefully that night. She dreamt she was in a beautiful park surrounded by flowers and a children's playground and she heard a child calling out for his mother. It took her a minute to turn and realize the little boy was calling her. He had clear blue eyes and copper hair and he was sitting on a swing, smiling in the sunshine.

WCWCWCWCWCWC

Sunday dawned – another beautiful late summer day. She was going home and she was very happy about it. Neal would be coming soon to pick her up and if she felt up to it, they were going to head over to Peter and Elizabeth's for Sunday dinner. She felt cautiously optimistic and she was looking forward to one last discussion with Neal before this whole issue was put to bed. The door opened and there he stood...


	3. Chapter 3

**Epilogue**

Elizabeth was fussing like this was the first time they had ever had people over. She busied herself with the last minute preparations for the meal, Cornish hens, rice and asparagus with strawberry cheesecake for desert. Peter was out walking Satchmo and would return in a few minutes and she took the wine out to let it sit before the guests arrived. She had not seen Sara since the previous morning and Neal had spent most of his time at the hospital so she didn't know how they had resolved their situation. Of course, she hoped that they would all be welcoming a new Ellis-Caffrey baby in early spring but she had to be prepared for their decision, either way. They were capable adults who were making the best decision for their lives, not hers. The door opened and she saw Peter enter the kitchen with Satchmo's leash in his hand.

'Not here yet?' he asked

'No, but it shouldn't be long, now' she responded

The doorbell rang as she was finishing her sentence. She jumped up to answer it and saw Neal and Sara holding hands standing on the porch.

'Come on in' she said hugging them both. Peter had caught up to her and gave Sara a quick peck on the cheek as she stepped in.

'How are you feeling, Sara? You look pretty good.' Except for the obvious bandage on her head (which had shrunk considerably in size since she last saw her) and the cast on her arm, she was looking her usual beautiful self.

'I am _so_ glad to be out of the hospital and back home - if you can call June's place 'home' she answered.

'You certainly can for the time being' said Neal, all smiles. 'Here' he said, handing over a bag to Elizabeth, 'we brought something for a special toast'

'Come on in, let's not stand around' said Peter, finally.

'I'll get some glasses' said Elizabeth walking into the kitchen.

Neal and Sara looked at each other conspiratorially as they took their places at the dining room table. Elizabeth walked in with the glasses and sat across from them hoping she wouldn't be kept in suspense for too long. She pulled the gift bottle out of the bag as Neal began speaking.

'It's a lovely, vintage bottle of apple cider' he said 'Sara and I thought it would be perfect to toast our news, _we_ are going to have a baby.'

Sara smiled a huge smile and Neal put his arm around her and kissed her temple.

'And, added Sara, we were wondering if you and Peter would do us the honor of being our baby's godparents'.

Elizabeth squealed and ran towards Sara and Peter came over to give Neal a big bear hug.

And that was the beginning of a brand new adventure for Neal Caffrey and Sara Ellis.


End file.
